For nearly everyone – I assume Christmas is mingled with anticipation of both warm fuzzy feelings and maybe a bit of dread. Okay, maybe not dread…or at least I hope not—although I think that word might fit a good percentage of the population. Right now, I’m thinking about Christmas and the holiday season like a salad…maybe a beautiful Merry Berry Salad (yes, there’s a recipe for that – google it). Like a salad, the holidays are tossed together with many ingredients – good and hard. These ingredients include both aspects that fill us with joy and warmth but some leave us cold and lonely. We may look forward to the beautiful lights and decorations, parties and time with friends and family but some things we know that are around the corner are simply overrated—or even more, deeply painful—or perhaps, somewhere in-between. Here’s my Merry Berry Salad recipe:

2 cups lights and glitter

3 cups Christmas music

1 cup shopping for gifts

½ cup opening Christmas cards

⅓ cup decorating the house

2 tbsp deciding with hubby how/where we spend Christmas alone, with his family, or my family

1 tbsp missing friends and family members who won’t be there

1 tsp crazy aunt who gets a little too loud after a few glasses of wine

3 cups trying to remember why we celebrate Christmas and to keep eyes on Jesus

¼ cup Christmas Day depression – not sure what it’s all about but pretty sure it has to do with the residual effects of going between my divorced parents’ houses growing up

1 tbsp over-commercialized Christmas crap everywhere (that started at Halloween)

2 tbsp let down that it’s NOT snowing outside

5 lbs extra weight from all of the Christmas goodies and fancy dinners

Okay, so everybody’s Merry Berry Salad recipe is different…and for some, there are way more unsavory ingredients than others. So, whether or not you’re already anticipating the hard things more than the good (or maybe you’re the other way around), my suggestion is that we can do Christmas differently.

When I say that, it probably means that literally nothing changes – except you.

So often we wish, HOPE that our mom or dad won’t say or do ______________. We assume our brother or sister will ____________, or that our boyfriend or girlfriend will finally _____________. Somewhere around my High School years, I learned a profound truth…it was when I struggling with my parents and step-parents—I mean I was really frustrated; it didn’t feel like they were trying to understand or even care at all about how I saw things.

And then someone said, “Julie, the only person you can change, is YOU.” For the first time, I began to let go of this inner frustration at everyone else and began to do what I could to make the situation different. I often, still, have to remember this nugget of wisdom. I ask myself really important questions like “is this worth being frustrated over?” “Should I tell ___________ (insert name of a family member who said/did something deeply wounding) what they just said really hurt me?” “Do I really want to respond right now or should I just take a deep breath and keep my mouth shut?”

The answers to those questions are really important and give myself to a chance respond – not just react. Asking ourselves questions is super helpful (and it’s really great when we ask questions to others or when they ask us them) but we don’t have to rely on other people to do some important introspective work and get a step ahead of what’s coming—our own personal recipe for the Christmas salad. Being self-aware and ‘on purpose’ with how we anticipate and respond to the good and hard of Christmas is empowering. Thinking ahead and identifying which people, situations, or circumstances tend to hurt or anger us can change the whole paradigm of how we experience the Holidays.

So, take a few moments and ask yourself:

1. What am I most anxious about when I think about this Christmas? In the past, what situations or conversations led to wounding or frustration?

2. How can I prepare myself to handle those differently?

And then, share that with someone that you feel safe with. Seriously—tell your spouse or your sister or friend so they can help encourage you. Troubleshoot your thinking or follow up when life is back to normal bleak mid-winter.

Christmas is meant to be a time of celebration, of light and life. Gracious giving and receiving should be a mark of this holiday that we anticipate and navigate every year—but the reality of the broken and sinful world we live in often taints all of those pre-conceived notions. Think about it…I mean really, slow down and take this in: God sent his only Son into this broken and dark world as a baby so he could live the life we cannot live on our own—and die the death we all deserve. That is life and light and grace and hope! Jesus came to give us life in the full! The enemy is daunting in his pursuit to steal, kill, and destroy—and he loves to do it at Christmas. So, I hope you will take steps forward to do Christmas differently this year by looking up at Jesus; and asking ourselves important questions so we can change what otherwise would be inevitable.

May you enter into the peace and spacious place Christmas is meant to be.